Chapter 120
Sophia didn’t grill Brandon about where they were headed, and Brandon wasn’t spilling the beans either. He didn’t poke around asking her where she wanted to go. He just cruised aimlessly.
The night wind was whooshing by.
The traffic on the streets was trickling down to a mere dribble.
Sophia had no clue how long Brandon had been driving. As they passed from skyscrapers to squat buildings and eventually to vast stretches of barren land, Brandon finally pulled the car to a halt.
He just sat there, not budging or uttering a word, his handsome face slightly tense, calmly staring into the night.
And Sophia? She was just chilling in the passenger seat, not moving a muscle either.
Outside the car window was a suburban riverside park, connected to a pond and wetlands, sparsely populated, where you could clearly make out the sounds of insects and frogs.
After a long silence, Sophia slowly turned her head to look at Brandon.
His profile was still a bit tight, his face so calm it was almost expressionless.
Sophia wasn’t sure if she had ticked off Brandon by passing up the opportunity or if her emotional outburst had rubbed him the wrong way. “Sorry,” she murmured an apology, not even sure why she was saying sorry. Her spirits were still in the dumps, and she was feeling all kinds of mixed-up and miserable.
She had always thought she had a decent grip on her emotions, but today’s drama and Brandon’s intense questioning about whether that kid was still around had snapped her like an overwound string-just pop and it broke.
She couldn’t figure out why she had such a strong reaction, but deep down, she was probably fuming at herself.
She was mad that she wasn’t steadfast enough, mad that she was useless, that her emotions could still be so easily swayed by Brandon, leaving her no choice but to wimp out and steer clear of him.
Every single choice in her life was her own, and while each step wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, she had given it her all.
The past two years had been the toughest but also the most fulfilling and joyful years of her life.
She had made loads of plans for herself, and these plans had zero room for Brandon. She had gotten used to a life without him.
Those years were like the time before she met Brandon-tough but satisfying, full of hope for what lay ahead. But then Brandon came along and threw a wrench in all her plans.
Back then, she was young enough to dream about love. When she realized it was just a pipe dream, it took a ton of willpower to pull herself away. Now, just as she was starting over, Brandon waltzed back into her life, and it felt like time was pushing her back to the year they reconnected, bringing along all the repressed emotions and self-doubt of those two years.
It felt like a scar that, just when it was about to fully heal, someone would come along with a knife and give it a stir, forcing her to remember the pain all over again.
Brandon didn’t respond to her apology. He just let his arm rest on the steering wheel, and his handsome face only tensed up more, not less.
Sophia didn’t say anything more either. She slowly leaned her head against the car window and closed her eyes.
Brandon turned to look at her.
Sophia looked peaceful, her breathing shallow and steady, clearly asleep.
Her eyes were still a bit puffy from crying.
The car window was still down, the wind still blowing. It must’ve been cold, because in her sleep, Sophia instinctively hugged herself and shrank down a bit more.
Brandon reached over and pressed the window control, and the wide-open window started to close slowly.
The gusts of wind that had been messing up Sophia’s hair calmed, and her hair settled on her face.
Sophia shifted uncomfortably to the side, not waking up, just hugging herself tighter, obviously exhausted. The dark circles under her swollen eyes were a dead giveaway of a night spent burning the midnight oil on her design project.
Thinking about this, Brandon turned gloomy again.
He didn’t say a word, just straightened up a bit, took off his suit jacket, and carefully draped it over Sophia,
Sophia woke up with a start, slowly opening her eyes to find her gaze crashing into Brandon’s.
Brandon didn’t look away, just gave her a cold, deep stare.
Sophia held his gaze, just as quietly.
In the silent standoff, Brandon was the first to break the ice. “Sophia, do you really hate me that much?”
Sophia shook her head slightly. “I don’t hate you.”
Brandon pressed on, “Then why are you so hell-bent on avoiding me? To the point where you’d give up on a kid and now your
future?”
Sophia pursed her lips a little. “Brandon, have you ever been in love?”
He just looked at her coldly, not saying a word.
“Does it even matter to you who you marry?” she asked softly.
He kept his cold stare but finally squeezed out a single word, “Yes.”
Sophia chuckled, but it was short-lived. “Well, I’m not like that.”
“I’ve had someone I liked,” she said. “That’s why I got married in the first place-because of that feeling of like.”
“And divorce?” Brandon inquired. “Because your love stopped?”
“It’s not that,” she said, her voice still soft. “I only accept two types of marriage. The first is where I like him and he likes me back, where I can feel emotional reciprocation. The second is where neither of us has feelings, and I don’t need to harbor any expectations for anyone. I thought I was in the first category, but then I realized I didn’t fit in either,” Sophia’s eyes met his. “Brandon, I used to like you, so at first, I could deal with whatever we had, no matter how unequal, even if your family looked down on me. I could even try to be humble. But because I liked you, I also had expectations and desires. But you poured all your attention and energy into your work. We were like roommates splitting rent and utilities, without having to meet each other’s family expectations, without having to accommodate anyone or worry about being caught in the middle and compromising. So why keep it going? I can do just fine on my own.”
“What about now?” Brandon’s eyes bore into her. “Still like me?”
Sophia shook her head. “I don’t like you anymore, Brandon.”
“If you’re over it, what’s there to be scared of?” His eyes had an edge of aggression, “You’re not into me, I’m not into you, isn’t that like the second type of marriage you’re cool with? Why the heck are you running away?”
Sophia didn’t say anything.
“Do you ever fall into the same trap twice?” Sophia asked, “Knowing full well it’s a trap, you finally claw your way out, and then you just waltz back in?”
Brandon said, “I would!”
Sophia kept silent.
“That year in senior high, you vanished without a word. On the day of the divorce, you disappeared without saying goodbye. At the apartment, you bolted, at the hospital, again, you left me hanging. And the day you left your number, yet another ghosting.” Brandon’s gaze was locked onto her, “Is that two times? No, it’s five!”
Sophia didn’t say a word for a while.
“I did leave you a note,” she said, her eyes shifting away, her voice fading.
Brandon said, “What, I can’t see when someone’s gone missing? I need a note? Or maybe, should I be thanking you for saving me the hassle of calling the cops?” he continued to stare at her, unmoved, “No need to freak out and file a missing persons report, huh?”
