Chapter 49
Nikolay:
I opened my eyes, stretching, fighting to process the fact that I was human, to find that Katerina had already gotten out of bed.
It was a while past nine, but judging by the fact that I could hear the water in the bathroom running, I could tell that she wasn’t awake for long. However, knowing that she got up without bothering to even wait for me to wake up was something that I didn’t like. If anything, I knew the reasons behind it.
I didn’t even know how we managed to sleep on one bed last night, especially considering the fact that we have been resenting that since we got here. But thankfully, the night passed without more arguments. Katerina was acting cold, I knew that, and couldn’t blame her, she has been since we got back home a week ago. And again, that was something that she couldn’t be blamed for, if anything, it was me who dragged her toward doing this. I have made her reach a limit beyond return, and the thing was, I was regretting it by the second.
The two of us have been living here together for a week now, and not once did we have a full proper conversation without one of us ending up being hurt, and that was something that I didn’t like. If anything, the two of us fought a lot less when we were at home with mom and dad, but the thing was, I blamed it on myself.
I gave her a promise, and I made her think that I wanted our marriage to be real. To be honest, I did want it to be real. With everything in me, I wanted to be this woman’s husband and I wanted my heart to be hers, but with everything that I dealt with, I found myself torn and lost to the point where I myself couldn’t think straight.
Katerina herself was starting to lose more weight than she already lost at the hospital, and though I knew that she was eating, she was crying more and more by the day, and it killed me because I knew that it was my fault. Her tears were those of a heartbreak, one that I knew I was the cause of.
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UZE 62% 17:04
I was the woman’s first love, and rather than embracing her, I was breaking her heart by the day. Last night was the first night that she slept without being in tears, mostly because the two of us chose to minimize our conversations to the minimum. We hadn’t said anything about it, but it was mostly like some silent agreement.
I sighed and sat up as she walked out of the bathroom, drying her hair with a towel as she wore a loose dress which was tight around the waist. The dress was elegant, pink, and reached her knees. She was barefoot, and seeing as she didn’t look at me, I could tell that she didn’t notice that I was awake.
“Good morning.” I said, catching her off guard. She jumped before she turned to face me, her eyes widening in surprise. I knew that she was lost in whatever she was thinking of. I noticed that her attention was anywhere but here lately, but I also knew that it was due to her trying to cope, distract herself, or talk herself out of the pain that she was in. But I could also tell that if what we were going through proceeded, the two of us might end up needing to seek professional help. And that was something that I didn’t want to put her through.
“Good morning, I’m sorry, I didn’t notice that you woke up.” She said, and I smiled. She smiled back, her smile formal, and not reaching her eyes, but thankfully, she was able to actually let one out after everything that she was going through. “I’ll go down and check on the dining table until you freshen up. I am aware that you have work, but don’t worry…”
“You know that I took the month off, Katerina.” I said, stopping her. It was true, I took the month off for the two of us to spend our ‘honeymoon‘ together. It turns out that this honeymoon was anything but romantic. If anything, the two of us were not going to remember it nicely, and that was something that I didn’t like.
She nodded but didn’t say a word as she turned to the mirror, fixing her hair as she removed the towel from over her head. She slowly brushed her hair, smiling at her own reflection as her curls dried naturally over her back, slightly wetting her dress. But I knew that it was something that she didn’t care about, if anything, the result that came after that was as
Chapter 49
beautiful as she was.
on 17:04
I got up from bed, choosing to be quiet before approaching her and wrapping my arms around her from the back, pulling her to my chest. Her eyes widened in surprise, and she looked at me through the mirror as I rested my chin over her shoulder. The lack of intimacy between us was something that we both knew very well, and though I hated it, I knew that I was the cause of it. Katerina wanted to be affectionate and intimate.
Despite the pain that she was in, I knew that she wanted to be intimate with me. The way she spoke, acted, laughed, and smiled. I was the first one that she smiled to after what she had been through, and that was something that we all knew very well. Even mom, who I knew normally wouldn’t have cared. As long as the woman did not ruin the family name, she liked her, liked her. Mom liked her a lot to the point where she was ensuring that NO one, not a single soul would hurt or harm her as long as she was around, and I had to admit, I couldn’t help but feel somewhat jealous because if it, note the sarcasm, but she had never been as affectionate toward me as her son.
“Are you going to keep ignoring me for long, malyshka?” I asked, allowing my breath to hit her cheek. She didn’t say a word as she put her hand on my cheek, gently running her finger over it. I leaned in to her touch, wanting her to know that I wanted her touching me, it was something and a feeling that I liked a lot.
“You know very well that I am not ignoring you, but I have a few things to tend to.” She said, and I raised an eyebrow at her. “You are aware that your parents are coming over later today for lunch, and I need to prepare things for that.”
“So, the two of us are not going to be getting our privacy for long.” I stated and she took a deep breath. Her taking a deep breath and letting it out like she did told me that whatever it was she was going to tell me was going to be something that neither one of us liked, and though I expected it, I knew that she was also getting tired of our constant arguments.
“The two of us are not making use of it. Therefore, I believe that having
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Chapter 49
family over can make our day a bit more bright, I do understand that you are trying to lighten the mood between us, but the damage that has been done is far more painful than I am letting out. And I am aware that it is not your fault. You did not give me any hope, and I am not blaming you for my feelings. But, Nikolay, as person, I am going to need time for my feelings to die down.” She said, and I frowned, shaking my head at her as I turned her to face me. Her eyes met mine for a second and I sighed, cupping her cheeks as I ran my finger over her right check. The cut on her right cheek still left a mark, and though I didn’t personally see it as a flaw, I knew that she hated it.
“What if I don’t want your feelings for me to die down?” I asked, and she smiled before taking my hand in hers. She slowly brought my hand to her lips and kissed my palm, letting her lips linger there for a second.
“I am not a toy for you to play with, Nikolay.” She said, making my heart ache. Her choices of words were ones that I did not expect, and seeing as I knew that she was speaking like this because she truly meant that I hurt her, I knew that I couldn’t say anything about it. The pain that I have put her through was one that she did not deserve. “I understand that you want to live a peaceful and happy life, and I am giving you your peace. I am done fighting a battle that I know I cannot win. She has won, your heart belongs to her, but I cannot lose my own heart because I lost yours.”
“Kat…”
“I’ll go and prepare breakfast before seeing what the girls are going to set for lunch.” She said, stopping me. “Please do let me know if there is anything special that you want me to make…”
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