Chapter 52
Katerina:
My heart raced against my ribcage as we left the therapist’s office. The number of people who were waiting in cue either looked away from me or were not even looking in our direction to begin with. Some of them were familiar faces, though I could tell that most of them came here to pretend that they wanted to fix their marriage, Or to treat the outcomes of failed. marriages. Some of the women who knew that their husbands were on affairs would often come to therapists for help on how to deal with the situation in the smartest possible way. Therefore, seeing familiar faces here was mostly expected.
I looked down at my feet, feeling somewhat embarrassed at the fact that I actually needed it and yet, I didn’t see it myself. Had it not been for Nikolay, I doubted that I would have gone myself. And the thing was, it was something that I needed.
Nikolay wrapped his arm around, making me feel somewhat more
comfortable about this. I was thankful for the fact that he actually agreed to take me to here, and the fact that he suggested it. He didn’t press on me to do so, but he kept going around on the topic, letting me know how much it would help and benefit me, and by time, I chose to listen to him and agree. I was happy that I did.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” He asked, breaking my train of thoughts.
I turned to face him as he broke my train of thoughts. The doctor told him not to let me sink in too many dark thoughts and to ensure that they were managed and maintained. At least for now, and at least until I managed to heal somehow from the shock that I was in. I was thankful for his presence despite us not being the perfect couple, I knew that he wanted to help me and was more than willing to do so. I swear I knew that if it wasn’t for him, I would have gone myself.
“I’m fine. I just need to take a deep breath and do what the doctor has told I will be okay.” I said, assuring him, and he smiled, pulling me in as he
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kissed my temple. I allowed myself to relax in his embrace, wanting to get the most of it. It was something that I was happy to be living through.
The thing was, it was the shock that led me to dealing with all of this. The fact that my father had hurt me in front of the family and the fact that I was hospitalized, lost my ovary, and got my uterus injured affected me a lot. When the doctor heard this, she frowned in confusion, getting worried about it. She wanted to actually report this to the police. But when she found out that we did. She was more thankful, and she has instructed that I stay as far away from them as possible. However, I knew that it was impossible. There would from the time where I would actually have to meet my father. Running away from him was not an option. Therefore, I knew to grow stronger right now until I was ready to face the man who hast caused me more pain in my life than anyone should have.
It was something that I didn’t want for my daughter. My little princess, if I was blessed with one, would be blessed with a peaceful home. It would be a home where she felt like she was the safest and most loved in her life. I didn’t want her getting hurt or fearing getting hurt by her family members. She would be nourished with love, and would learn the right way to love back. Selfishness was not something that I wanted to keep as an option. I didn’t want her learning how to be selfish.
“Alright sweetheart, so for now, how about we go out and, you know, get something to eat? Since we have been out here for hours now, so I guess that getting something to eat would be adequate.” He asked and I smiled and nodded. I was hungry, and I knew that he was as well. He pulled me toward the car where the driver opened the door for us. I blushed as he motioned for me to get inside before he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me to his chest. I lay my head on his chest, something that I grew used to doing it. Nikolay looked down at me, his eyes softening before he kissed the crown of my head.
I didn’t know whether or not he was doing this because he felt somewhat guilty. Especially since he knew that most of what happened either happened because of our marriage, during our marriage, or because of the affair that he was having. The two of us have been living in a good way so
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far, neither one of us bothering to bring up topics that would be somewhat disturbing or painful. And I intended for us to keep going that way. I didn’t want to lose what we were having, nor did I want to lose him as a man. Thankfully, so far since the hospital, Anastasia has never made an appearance. Though what the reason was I didn’t know and I was afraid of ask. But I doubted that Nikolay actually kicked her out of his life simply for me. Something had happened, and whatever it was, I was going to leave it there. I was not going to dwell on the subject.
“A penny for your thoughts?” He asked and I smiled, putting on the best. smile that I could muster as his wife. I didn’t need to fake it, I knew that, and in all honesty, I wasn’t. The calmness that I was feeling was genuine, and it was due to the two of us sharing nice moments together lately.
“I would sell them for a dollar.” I teased, making him chuckle. It was a way that I used to cope when I was back at home. Usually, no one really bothered understanding the joke and mom would have just ended up getting angry with me, yelling, or even having dad beat me while she watched because I was rude. Nikolay was the first to take it lightly.
“I’m buying.” He said, making my heart skip a beat. The man was impossible not to admire. The way he looked at me, smiled at me, and even treated me right was something that I couldn’t forget. Sure, I knew that I wasn’t allowed to open topics that he didn’t want me to. I knew that he didn’t allow me to ask him anything that was too personal for him. It was something that he saw as me invading his personal space, and that was something that I chose to learn how to respect. The two of us were not close enough for me to push him to doing what he didn’t want, and I wasn’t going to.
I thought for a moment, making sure to structure my sentence in my head on the man before turning to look at him. His eyes softened as he looks at me before he ran his finger over my cheek as he looked at me studying my expression for a few seconds before kissing my forehead. It was something that made me grow more in love with him. But by time I knew to control my feelings and emotions. He didn’t get too much of them revealed, and I didn’t feel like my feelings were one sided. It was a nice relationship that
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the two of us chose to accept about one another, and that was something that was important to me.
“I was thinking about the counseling and what the doctor. That’s all.” I said, making sure to choose my words carefully.
I knew that lying to him was wrong, but the last thing I needed was for him to think that I was thinking about Anastasia. The woman was one that I wanted to leave behind in my life. It was a memory that I wanted erase, though I know that I wouldn’t. It was something that would be forever drilled in my memory. I knew to cope with living with it, it was a decision that I made when I chose to want to fight for my relationship with Nikolay. I couldn’t even tell the therapist that I was trapped inside that dark feeling of fear. That I felt bad about her being in his life during our marriage. That I feared that woman would actually try to lure my husband in again, it was a threat and insecurity that I would live through, I knew that, but I chose not to speak about it. Especially considering the fact that Nikolay was sitting with me and the fact that I didn’t want to ruin the family’s reputation. It was something that meant a lot to me, and being a woman in my position, marrying one of the most powerful men in the business. world, I knew to keep myself well grounded no matter what the pain I went through. A few things were to be told, but thousands were kept secret unless wanted to be exposed.
He looked at me, waiting for me to tell her about it. However, I didn’t open the subject. It was like I threw it just behind me, ignoring it. I didn’t forget, Nikolay wasn’t stupid to think that I would, but keeping quiet was always. the better option in such situations. It guarded my relationship with the man for now.
“Anything special on your mind? Anything that bothered you, or you wanted to sell her or have chosen to ignore.” He asked, and I smiled. I knew that he wanted ME to speak to him about it. I didn’t know whether it was the guilt that he was feeling because of it or he was just confused about why I didn’t open the topic. Either way, I wasn’t going to say a word about it, if anything, it was something that I was going to ignore completely.
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I shook my head in response again, I did not want him to know that I was thinking about Anastasia or whatever they have been. It was a past that I wanted to leave behind. I knew that he wanted me to ask questions. I chose not to. I was not going to at all. Whether or not he saw the woman no longer concerned me. The man needed to learn to forget about the weakness that I showed him, because I didn’t want to show that weakness. It was something that I wanted to leave behind. It was something that I could do. Maybe he couldn’t, but I could. And that was how I was going to be dealing with the situations that the two of us lived through from now
- on.
“So do you want to tell me where we’re going, or would it be a surprise as always?” I asked, making him smile. His smile didn’t reach his eyes, and I knew that he was lost in thoughts. I was going to leave it there. He could wonder about what I was thinking for a while longer just as I often wondered what he thought or how he felt. This was not a revenge, but this was me deciding that I had to change, and this was the first change for that. Maybe it was the pain that I went through or maybe it was the number of arguments that the two of us have been through, but either way, just those to want to change myself to the better, and this was the first step to that.
“Actually, I was thinking about seafood. What do you feel about it?” He asked, and I smiled. It has been a while since I have had seafood, and though it was something that I loved eating, I never got around to going to a restaurant that made it since I got married, and with being at the hospital then healing, I knew that I couldn’t.
“So, this was not going to be a surprise?” I asked, teasing him, making him chuckle.
“No, it was actually going to be one, but you seem to be impatiently waiting to know, and frankly, I didn’t want you nagging for an hour as you asked.” He said, making me laugh. I wasn’t that much of a nag but Nikolay knew that I didn’t like surprises. The two of us have gone on two dates in the past two weeks after counseling. I didn’t know or understand the reason behind them, but I didn’t bother asking as he asked me to get
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ready. I just went along with the flow, waiting to see where things were. going to lead us, and thankfully, I was more than a little happy with the results. The man was making me feel like a princess despite knowing that I was that broken princess who had no ground to stand on.
“Hey, I just simply asked a question. It was normal to do so.” I said, crossing my arms over my chest as I playfully pouted, making him chuckle. It was something that I learned he loved when I did. The man, though he hasn’t been kissing me anywhere but my forehead and cheek, choosing to keep it ‘clean‘, was one who saw me as innocent when I did it. I knew that some women would be tempting their husbands with such. movements but considering that I barely even knew how to kiss without flinching, I knew that Nikolay was more than just a little satisfied by it, knowing that I was ‘pure‘ as my father used to claim when addressing met as a bride for the CEO.
“Indeed, it is, malyshka. Indeed, it is.”
